August 2017
How Does Your Life Define Who You Are?
I love biographies. It is fascinating how people discover their current path. Some people use their past as an excuse; not Nicole. Her childhood was far from ideal. You can read about Nicole on her website here. She overcame her childhood to graduate from the University of Wisconsin, to become Miss Wisconsin, to be a news anchor, and a newspaper columnist. This is a very impressive list of accomplishments when you consider her troubled beginning. Many times we have very little control over what happens to us but we can control how we react to it. We determine whether our circumstances control us or we overcome them. We make the choice.
Thank goodness Nicole made the choice to live in kindness and report on kindness in her newspaper column and kindness blog. You can tell from her stories she has a caring heart, but her influence goes far beyond her friends, she is a true kindness advocate. She is changing the world with her kindness reporting.
In her own words: “When I close my eyes, I see all of the people on Earth standing and staring at the sky. Only they aren’t looking at the real sky, they are looking at a huge black tarp blacking out the light. Each time someone does an act of kindness, a tiny pin size hole is poked into that big, black tarp, allowing in a speck of light. Someone notices the light and does another act of kindness, creating yet another little hole. Someone sees that new light, realizes what is happening and starts creating more little openings for a light through their own acts of kindness. I see my job, through writing a column, as pushing my fingernails through those pin-sized holes and ripping them open with all of my might. I want to let in as much light as possible by drawings attention to the acts of kindness being done”
Nicole is inspiring us by helping us see the light of kindness. Everyday we can be depressed and feel we can’t make a difference in the world or we can can get up and go make a difference, like Nicole.
Being a kindness champion is not an easy task, as some may think. Grousing in negativity is easy, to hate, to fear, or to give up that is the easy way out for way too many. To fight for love, peace and kindness in our world takes a special person and that is why I am honoring Nicole Phillips, as the first Kindness Warrior. Nicole’s blog has influenced many and gave me the courage to expand my own kindness mission, Live Kinder.
What makes Nicole so powerful is her authenticity. She isn’t a super hero but one of us. We all have struggles that make life difficult. For Nicole, it was breast cancer. We can let our adversity swallow our better self or we can become a kindness warrior, like Nicole. Again, it is not so much what happens to you but how you react to it that determines who you really are. Thank you, Nicole, for letting us see your struggles, your courage, your negativity, your wins, and especially your kindness. By being authentic, you inspire us to live a little kinder by giving us hope.
This week’s questions to ponder:
- Does your past hold you back or does is it making you stronger?
- Do you believe you can make a difference in your own life and in the world?
To learn more:
If you would like to read Nicole’s articles. I would suggest, “Kindness is Courageous,” 100 of her favorite newspaper articles on kindness or follow her on Facebook.
Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com I love hearing your kindness stories. Please sign-up for a weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook!
Transformations
Transformations are founded upon the desire to change after envisioning a different state, a different tomorrow. The transformation of a dilapidated building to the beautiful, “By Grace Hair Studio” in Blue Eye, MO, is a shining example of such a transformation. The vacant building, in a state of despair, was transformed to a modern beauty salon, so stylish you would think Joanne Gaines, herself, designed it.
After going to the Salon’s open house, it got me contemplating the parallels of fixing buildings to transforming ourselves to someone kinder, more beautiful. What I loved about the salon’s transformation was the end result. It had such a wonderful “vibe” to it that you wanted to linger longer. So, what is your “vibe?” Is it more positive or more negative? Do people want to linger around you?
Transformations commence with an assessment of your strengths. The assessment of the building led to saving only the four brick walls. They were so full of history and charm; they were saved.
We all have strengths to build upon.
The next step to transform is to want to improve and not be blinded by your perceptions. It is easy when you live in house for years to not see what is needed to change because you are seeing the house as you first loved it. Our perceptions of ourselves also get masked with our experiences, and it is hard to see the need for a change. If you have been doing the kindness measurement you will know where you stand on the kindness scale.
It took four months to modernize the salon. Breaking habits of negativity, constant criticism, and judgments, also take time. Foundation work was required, I.e. plumbing, structural reinforcement and electrical wiring. For a kinder life, positive thoughts and intentions, are required for a strong foundation.
Why I love the salon transformation so much is twofold. The finishing touches are beautiful: from the focal point chandelier, the crate shelving, the hair blower holders, cabinets, and decor.
However, the main reason is the peaceful energy, it is easy to feel the love that was built into it. You can tell that Ryan built this as a labor of love for his wife, Jodie. The building was transformed for Jodie to have a beautiful place to work and to welcome her customers.
The purpose to personally transform is to have a peaceful, happier life not only for yourself but for those who are impacted by your energy day in and day out. As you transform, you will see that you are enabling those you love, to transform as well; just as the salon building transformation will have an impact on its customers for years to come.
If you live in the vicinity, the salon is located at 1123 State Hwy 13, Blue Eye, MO, 417-779-1527, perhaps it will inspire you.
Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com I love hearing your kindness stories. Please sign-up for a weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook!
How Kind Are You, Really?
The impetus for my “Live Kinder” book was because I just felt compelled to do something. There is such a lack of everyday kindness. The need for kindness hit home this week as one of my friends was impacted by an unkind act. This once again reminded me how much everyday kindness is needed in the world no matter where “your world” is located.
The unkind act toward my friend, in my analysis, involved people acting with exclusivity instead of being inclusive. They were finding ways to feed their egos instead of supporting each other. My friend had to withdraw from our activity, because as she put it, “I do not wish to spend time among those who do not even try to walk in love towards one another.”
The fundamental issue is that people think they act with kindness. If you ask the next ten people you see it they act with kindness, how many do you think would say no? Would you say yes or no? Naturally it follows then, that if we don’t see a need to change, we won’t and the cycle of unkindness will continue.
This begs the question…Why don’t people see that they are acting unkind? It’s about the lens on which they view themselves and others. In my example above, those involved in the unkind act justify being unkind because of something they perceived, which many times, was incorrect perceptions of reality, but because the lens was set to complaining and seeing only the bad. They did not want to see the good in people, because they could not see the good in themselves. It hurts when people are unkind to you. Unkindness is never justified.
Kindness is a habit. Being unkind is a bad habit that needs to be broken and replaced with a new habit of kindness. An easy way to do this is through a kindness measurement. Such a measurement takes into account your unkind acts as well as your kind acts. What I love about taking kindness measurements is that the measurements provide a gauge for all of us to be kinder people. We are all somewhere on the kindness continuum. When you know where you are, you can improve.
The kindness score is the number of times you are authentically kind divided by the number of times you are unkind or you are artificially kind that day.
The “Number of Authentically Kind Acts” is the sum of all the authentically kind acts you perform in a day.
The (Number of Unkind Acts + Number of Artificially Kind Acts) is the sum of all the artificially kind acts and the unkind acts you perform in a day. An unkind act is a deed that appears unkind, even on the surface. You do it for your own benefit, and the act is rooted in an unkind motive, such as, disrespect. It is any time you show callousness of heartlessness. An artificially kind act is a deed that appears kind on the surface, and you do for your own benefit alone or because you were coerced to do it.
Count everything authentically kind, artificially kind, or unkind you do, say or think. Be honest with yourself. Keep a small notepad close by and use a simple stick counting method to determine the total number of kind acts, as well as, the number of artificially kind acts and unkind acts. After a few days you won’t need the notepad, you will know if your net actions were kinder or unkind at the end of the day.
Calculate your score at the end of each day by dividing the total number of kind acts by the total number of unkind acts. The result is your kindness score.
This is how you would analyze your score. If your scores is
- Less than 1, you are doing more unkind acts than kind acts
- Equal to 1, you are performing as many kind acts as unkind acts
- More than 1, you are currently performing more kind acts than unkind acts.
Kindness Score Examples
So how kind are you really? What is your kindness score?
Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com I love hearing your kindness stories. Please sign-up for a weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook!
July 2017
Finding America’s Greatness
You may not think about greatness and kindness in the same sentence, however, this blog is about honoring greatness found in everyday kindness. On my recent visit to the United States Air Force Academy, a military academy for officer cadets of the United States Air Force in Colorado Springs, I discovered greatness does not exclude kindness. I learned that airmen are taught to live and serve with a commitment to three core values: “Integrity First, Service before Self, and Excellence in all they do.” Service before self is explained as “An Airman’s professional duties take precedence over personal desires. Every Airman is expected to have the discipline to follow rules, exhibit self-control and possess respect for the beliefs, authority and worth of others.” This respect is where kindness breeds.
This campus is truly a national treasure. I knew the aircrafts on their grounds would be interesting to my husband. What I did not expect was the beautiful chapel, a modern cathedral. I had seen pictures but being there was truly awe inspiring. The chapel was breathtaking with the majestic Southern Rocky Mountains as a backdrop. Standing inside the chapel looking out at the stunning mountains through the beautiful stained glass windows was a refreshing moment for the soul.
It was magnificent and peaceful simultaneously. I could imagine all the great leaders that had prayed in those pews, for their own safety and our country’s safety.
No matter what the cadets’ religion; there was a place for them to worship how they wished in a separate section of this beautiful chapel. Each faith has their own space. This is what religious freedom is about, tolerance for diversity. I can’t think of a better example of exhibiting American ideals of religious freedom. All of these religions coexisting, all of these cream of the crop cadets learning leadership skills to serve and to protect our country with honor. This is what religious freedom is about, this is what makes America so great: people of all religions protecting our country. The diversity among the cadets does not divide them; they are still able to work as a unit. I realized a prerequisites for kindness is tolerance. It is hard to be kind to someone if you can not tolerate them. The airmen and women are living the core value of “respect for the beliefs, authority and worth of others.”
One of the sophomores’ priorities is to learn “to promote mutual respect, fairness, and divinity in interactions.” This is so profound, I wish living this would be mandatory for every politician. How insightful were the cadet curriculum developers, to know great leadership is based on “mutual respect, fairness, and divinity in interactions.” Truly one of the influence’s that have created great Air Force Officers who are also great leaders. It was inspiring to walk where these great leaders have walked. Being on the campus has restored my faith in how great America is.
Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com I love hearing your kindness stories. Please sign-up for a weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook!
How Generous Are You?
When you hear the word “generous,” what comes to mind? Many people think of the millionaire benefactor giving millions for a new wing at the hospital. When I hear such stories, I think how wonderful it is that the benefactor has learned that giving money is a source of happiness as well as a source of helpfulness to the community. The problem with this “millionaire-generous-thinking” paradigm is that it works for only one percent of the population. Most of us will never be in a position to give millions away. We may think, “If we had extra millions to give away, we would do the same.”
However, you don’t need millions to be a generous person. You can be retired on a fixed budget, like my friend Paulette, who is one of the most generous people I know. She always thinks about the needs of others and how she can give of herself to help, be it with her time, her heart, or her funds. Her brain is wired for compassion.
Paulette is generous with her time. She drove an hour in Friday night traffic for two years to give free painting lessons to a teenager from a broken home. The painting lessons were a vehicle to help the teenager get over her shyness. The painting gave her a voice, but Paulette was also a sympathetic outlet for her to become more. It was first time the teenager had gotten praise of any kind. Paulette has compassion not only for kids but for the elderly too. I so appreciate her time in visiting with my mom.
Paulette gives her heart freely. When she sees a homeless person, she would be the one giving them a hug, as well as, money or food.
Paulette also receives great happiness from giving material things to her friends, family and strangers. She spends more on others than herself. She always thinks of objects as a way of bringing happiness to others. For example, she gave my daughter a beautiful dollhouse Paulette’s father made because she knew my two granddaughters would cherish it more than her three grandsons.
I’ll never forget when she picked up acorns from my yard so her squirrels in her “oakless” neighborhood could have some acorns. She always find ways to give to those unfortunate, even when they are only squirrels.
Being generous is about giving of your time, your heart, and resources to your family, friends, and strangers, with no expectations. Paulette gets great satisfaction from giving, even when there may not be any hint of gratitude given in return; now that is a generous person.
Next time you are about to judge someone, stop and think like Paulette, “What can I do to make the situation better?” Paulette always lives her truth: to live with compassion, to give freely with her heart, with her time and with her resources. You don’t need millions to be generous, you just need compassion for others. Paulette is this week’s Caring Heart award winner.
Quote for the day…
“Money is but one venue for generosity. Kindness is an even more valuable currency.”
— Alan Cohen
Discussion question: What definition of “generous” do you live by? What can you do today to be generous?
Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com I love hearing your kindness stories. Please sign-up for a weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook!
May 2017
Play On
Having read Mick Fleetwood’s (the Fleetwood of Fleetwood Mac) autobiography, “Play On” I’ve decided I want to play on. I want to continue to have new adventures, to expand who I am. To quote Mick Fleetwood, “…adventures are how we learn who we really are.” That is why I started this blog.
Having had a successful career and now being retired, I’m frequently asked, if I miss my job. My career was a big part of my life, so it’s natural for my friends to assume I would miss that part of my life but I really don’t. I’ve outgrown that person I was. I’m someone new who wants to express myself in new ways. I want to have new adventures, to see in new ways, so I will become more and create anew.
I’m not a talented musician, I can’t carry a tune. So I’ve chosen to inspire through writing. I feel I am on a rebirth, a new way to expressing myself. The words, “Play On” are so simple yet so full of meaning. I don’t want to “work on.” I want to have fun. I want to follow my passion to inspire myself and others.
As I read “Play On” I got the sense of the overwhelming passion required for Mick to “Play On,” to keep the band together; for the band to become more than the sum of its parts. His passion inspires me. The band became the venue for the members to express themselves artistically, to express what lived in their souls. I want to express what is in my soul. Mick’s book inspires me to express my passion, to take risks, to keep moving forward, to be fearless.
Mick talked about how he gained more than his fans. Isn’t that such a great win-win situation, to be able to do what you love and influence millions with the songs your band brought to life. How wonderful it is to make connections, to inspire, to make people happy and so much more from doing what you love. I’m grateful that Fleetwood Mac played on so I could see them in person in Chicago in October 2014. How fun that was to finally have the opportunity to see Fleetwood Mac live. Thank you for sharing your heart and soul with the world.
I’ve come to realize there are four places to live your life;
You can live on a “downward spiral.“
You can “live stuck.”
You can “move on” out of your stuck place.
The ultimate place to live is where you “Play On.”
I’ve come to learn when you’re stuck you need to move on before you can play on. When my son of 33 years died of cancer. I got stuck. I wasn’t living. I was so sad it was hard to even survive. I was on a journey I did not choose. Then, I decided and yes it was a conscious decision to move on. I forced myself to go out on New Year’s Eve when I all I wanted to sit home and cry, but I went out and had fun. I didn’t want to let my son’s death define who I was. I wanted to become more because of his death, not less. I wanted his death to have meaning and so I started a scholarship award at his college. I have recently transitioned from moving on to playing on. I’m now at a happy and peaceful place and I am now finally playing on.
Just as the Fleetwood Mac band has morphed so many times over the years (and in my opinion always becoming better), so will I morph to become better. I am going to play on. I don’t want to die with my music in me.
Thank you for riding along on this journey. I hope to inspire as I find my voice, as I follow my passion to change the world through kindness. I will “play on” and I hope you will, too.
Further discussion: How do you move on when you are stuck? How have you played on? What dreams are you passionate about? How do you inspire yourself and others?
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Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com I love hearing your kindness stories. Please sign-up for a weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook!
Mother’s Day Kindness
Anna Jarvis understood the importance of mothers and wanted to honor their sacrifices and role they have in their children’s lives. In 1908, she orchestrated the first U.S. Mother’s Day celebration in a Methodist church in West Virginia. She started a massive letter writing campaign to newspapers and politicians urging the adoption of a special day honoring motherhood. Woodrow Wilson establishing the second Sunday in May as Mother’s Day in 1912. However, by 1920, Anna had become upset on the commercialization and resorted to an open campaign against Mother’s Day profiteers. She spent her wealth on countless lawsuits against groups that had used the name “Mother’s Day.” Her vision for Mother’s Day was time spent together as a kind family.
I love that there is a day to remind us to be kinder to our moms and to honor them. Kindness is always about showing love to others. Please be kind to everyone, but especially to your mom!
Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com I love hearing your kindness stories. Please sign-up for a weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook!
Do You Have Time to Be Kind?
My Aunt Carolyn is very special to me. She endeared my heart when she was engaged to my uncle. I was six, when she introduced me to my first movie. It was 1957, and the movie was the third release of Bambi. My parents rarely went to the movies, so this was an extra special treat. I was also a flower girl in their wedding, another special time I will always cherish. I just loved that Carolyn became part of the family. She dressed so fashionable and was also so kind to me.
My Aunt and Uncle took over my grandpa’s farm of 160 acres, a large herd of registered Guernsey dairy cows, and thriving farm market known for their quality produce, in particular, sweet corn and apples. My aunt seems to have unlimited energy. She helped with the milking of the cows twice every day. Cows need to be milked every 12 hours, so there was no taking off when you were sick or tired. She cleaned her large farm house, cooked three meals a day, helped with the field work, especially their large produce garden that supplied their roadside stand and the food for their use, and she loved working in her flower garden. She worked the roadside stand from sweet corn season to pumpkin time. They later constructed a building to house the farm market which was open from March through December. Being a farmer’s wife is a never-ending job.
She also raised four children and found time to read them stories before their naps. I remember when she was in labor with her fourth child, she refused to go to the hospital until she finished mowing their large yard and washing the kitchen floor.
Carolyn works so hard, it makes me tired just thinking about it, but I never once heard my Aunt complain about not having time. She always talked and still talks today about her life with such passion and satisfaction.
So, if there is anyone that does not have time to be kind, it would be my Aunt Carolyn. Quite to the contrary, my Aunt Carolyn is one of the kindest people I know. She has such a giving heart, three sizes too big. Kindness is part of who she is; she is always using her talents for kindness.
I love random acts of kindness, but I believe it is a lot harder to incorporate kindness in everyday living. When you live with kindness in your heart every day, you can change the world you live within. How do you do this? You do this by using the talent you were given and sewing those talents to your passions. This is what I have learned from my Aunt Carolyn. She has many talents, but there are four that are pivotal to her spreading kindness. Overall, she spreads kindness by nourishing others.
One of Carolyn’s favorite ways to show love is through cooking, baking and canning. From her zucchini breads, pecan pies or a jar of pickles; she loves to bake or can, not just for herself, but to give to others including her nieces and nephews, grandchildren, friends, neighbors and even the postman. It is her way of nourishing people not just with food, but food wrapped in love.
Carolyn loves flowers, gardening, and making things grow. But for her, flowers needed to be shared with others to make their days happier. She decorated the church week after week, season after season, year after year coming up with new and creative idea that displayed a small sampling of God’s beauty for others to enjoy. I love looking at her scrapbook of how she decorated her church for Christmas for over fifty years.
Carolyn has a passion for educating children about agriculture. Carolyn and Alvin opened their farm to school tours for over fifty years, reaching thousands of children. Children were given a chance to milk a cow; pet a calf, hold a duckling, chicken, or pig; pick an apple and were given a free carton a milk. Money was never charged for these tours; it was their way of teaching children about farm life and sharing their passion. A way of sharing everyday kindness. It is her dream to convert her barn into an agricultural resource center for future generations.
Carolyn is a true caregiver, opening her heart, and if need be her home, to aunts, her mom and elderly friends without family. She would clean their houses, drive them to doctor appointments, cook and shop for them, but she went beyond tasks and always made them feel loved. My cousins remembering delivering many meals she made to many shut-ins. She delivered food but also stayed and spent time with each person to cheer-up their day. She always made time for those in need.
So, how have you integrated kindness into your life? My Aunt Carolyn has done it by marrying her passions with her talents. She does not wait to be asked, she just makes the time. She exemplifies everyday kindness and for that reason my Aunt Carolyn is this week’s Caring Heart award winner.
Thanks to Linda Wenck and Gloria Basse for contributing to this week’s article. In Linda’s words, “My Mom is the kindest, most loving person I know. She is always thinking about how to help and make other people happy!”
Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com and please sign-up for weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook!
April 2017
Do You Do Your Job with Kindness in Your Heart?
My mom is 93 and living in an assisted care facility. Today, I want to honor the men and women that take care of my mom 24/7. They are unsung heroes that deserve our honor. They don’t see my mom as a person covered in wrinkles, older than the hills and unable to walk more than a few steps. They see my mom as a person to care for and to give love to. Sure there are some that see her only as a job. But there are others that truly love talking to her and taking care of her. These are the unsung heroes in the world. It would be difficult for me to do their job of giving baths, wiping bottoms, or dressing old people every day, but they do it. Sure some do it only for the wages and do it because it is a job. However, others do it because it is their purpose; they are the ones with the smiles. They see their job as spreading kindness. They understand how important they are.
I asked one caregiver how she does her job day in and day out. She said, “I think of every resident as my grandmother or grandfather, someone I can love.” Talk about having a kind attitude! Most days when I visit, a caregiver or worker comes up to me and says how much they love taking care of my mom. I’m not sure they say that about all their charges, but my mom is easy to love.
It was difficult for my mom to give up her independence and move to assistant living. She had an adjustment period but she decided early on she wanted to live her life as she always lived it with dignity, grace and a positive attitude. She soon changed her negativity to gratitude for those in her life. This is one of the life lessons my mom and I discuss often: no matter what the situation, there is always good in the situation and for that you need to be grateful.
You really do get back in life what you give out. The turning point for my mom’s depression from giving up her home was the night a caregiver gave her a kiss and a hug when she put her to bed. My mom had tears in her eyes, when she told me about it the next day. When you are with people that love you, you can tolerate less than optimal situations.
Today I want to honor all the caregivers that go to work with love in their heart and see kindness as their job. They give such a gift to the world. It is hard to repay these kind people for what they give to the world, but the best way is to learn from them and to… never underestimate the value of a hug.
Kindness work:
Who can you hug today that needs some encouragement? Do you live kindness even when you are at work?
Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com and please sign-up for weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook!
Honor Kindness
It is one thing to talk about kindness, but how about taking action…today? How about honoring someone’s kindness?
There are many ways to honor others. The company where I worked had a program called, “High Five” awards. These were “peer to peer” recognitions. You sent a “high five” to a peer that went above the call of their job. After you received five of them, you would receive fifty dollars in your paycheck. It encouraged cooperation and kindness, making a better workplace. It was surprising to me how few people gave these recognitions. However, I loved giving them. Especially when I was having a bad day, I would give one or two. It always raised my spirits. I found it hard to be miserable and nice at the same time. Kindness is the best medicine for a down day! It is a philosophy I still follow today; one way to cheer-up is to do something awesome for someone else. It is the concept of giving others what you need.
The KIND Snack Company has taken this to another level. They have a program called, “Kindawesome.” It is easy to do, just go to their website and register using your Twitter, Facebook, or email account. You then fill out a form and send a kind snack to someone you caught being kind. I so love this company for their vision of changing the world with kindness. I love the company’s mission: “From the snacks and foods we make to our commitment to social entrepreneurship with impact, our focus is on making the world a little kinder, one snack and one act at a time.” The “Kindawesome” program is such an easy way to brighten up someone’s day, by telling them you appreciate their kindness. It is an easy way to honor kindness. Catch someone being kind and send them a “Kindawesome” card today by going to https://www.howkindofyou.com.
Sure, the program is a win for the company, as it is a marketing campaign but I can’t think of a better company to support. If you want to learn more about this company, I would suggest reading “Do the KIND Thing” by the actionist that started the company, Daniel Lubetzky. I am inspired by their focus on kindness. Daniel Lubetzky states in his book that focusing on kindness stemmed from his belief, which he inherited from his parents, that kindness to others can build trust, and ultimately, bridges between people.
I hope you are inspired to do something kind today, to send someone who has been kind to you a KIND bar, or if that is not your thing, send a card, a note or perhaps call someone that may need cheering up today. Take a minute to be kind by honoring someone who has been kind.
Further discussion: How does your kind act make you feel? What else can you do to be kind?
Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com and please sign-up for weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook!
March 2017
Where Does Your Beauty Lie?
What does beauty mean? External beauty is defined by the social norms of the era. In Victorian times, the paler the complexion, the more beautiful you were considered. The use of lead-based face paint was common to achieve that pale, sickly look thought to be beautiful. A horrifying thought to us. Even in the early 1900’s, women would cover up and shade themselves from the sun. Having a tan meant you were a field laborer. During the late Middle Ages, a protruding stomach was coveted. The wealthy would weigh their guest when they arrived and when they left to ensure that there was a weight gain during their overnight stay. Overweight meant opulence and beauty. These examples demonstrate how external beauty is defined by ever changing societal rules while kindness never changes and always defines inner beauty.
By today’s standards, my friend Sue is beautiful. She rocks 70. Sue is one of those people who if you didn’t see her for twenty years, you would instantly know her on a crowded street because she looks the same. Her beauty is timeless. However, what really makes Sue so special is that she has an inward beauty. Her beauty is projected from the inside of her soul and that is why I love her. She truly is a shining star, as her sister said when she toasted Sue at her birthday party.
Sue was one of nine children. Luckily, her father was a butcher, so the family never was hungry, but there were times when Sue’s dresses were tattered and worn. She learned what it was like to be looked down upon and to be bullied at school just because her family did not have the money for new clothes. Today, Sue loves spreading kindness, she talks to everyone and never wants anyone to feel like she did those days so long ago. Her father always said, “He was rich in family and love instead of money.” Sue’s love for her family is the center of her life.
Sue was my first boss when I returned to full-time work after having my children. My children were two and five years of age at the time. It was not an easy decision for me to work full-time. I was always feeling guilty, guilty when I worked, guilty when I stayed home with a sick child, guilty to be me. Thank goodness, Sue was my boss. Her kids were about 12 years older than mine and Sue was so much wiser. She knew how to balance work and mothering. She loved her job and loved her children even more. She taught me to be present where I am and to be grateful. Sue, being a single mom, was grateful that she had a corporate job to feed her family. She lives every day in gratitude and always sees the best in someone. She has so much compassion and also strives for only “win-win” situations.
As I sat at her birthday party and heard how much everyone loves her, I was filled with gratitude for our friendship of thirty plus years. No matter how much time has elapsed between our visits, we are connected as if we were still friends in the 1980’s.
Sue exemplifies inner beauty. Her light shines from within. Her light is fueled by kindness, compassion, gratitude and love. Sue always shines on no matter what happens to her. Sue lives with kindness in her heart, so that is why she is this week’s recipient of the Caring Heart Award.
Further discussion:
- Where do you rate yourself on the inner beauty scale? Are you a “10” like my friend, Sue?
- When someone is unkind to you, do you return unkindness or kindness?
Do you know someone that deserves a Caring Heart Award? If so, please contact us.
Staying in Touch: Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com and please sign-up for weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow LiveKinder on Facebook!
Kindness is a “Key” to Opening Your Heart
Has the fear of being vulnerable stopped you from being kind? Vulnerability is interesting subject. As stated in the dictionary, “Vulnerable is best used for a person whose feelings are so delicate that they can’t withstand any criticism or pressure.” We all have different degrees of vulnerability acceptance in our life. I know people that are very secretive, they tell people close to them not to tell others about their plans. If they are on Facebook, it is difficult for them even to hit “LIKE,” for they are very private.
Being on this journey, I had come face to face with being more vulnerable. It got me thinking how we live in our everyday life patterns. For us move to a kinder life, we need to put ourselves out there more, to let our light shine and not hide it under a bushel — to be more vulnerable. When you live in your own truth, it gets less important what others think.
I’m going to share an example of how my own vulnerability almost stopped me from being kind. I was at Chicago’s O’Hare airport when a young man approached me. He was frantic about getting to Milwaukee to see his mom via the bus shuttle, as he did not have enough money to buy the ticket. My first instinct was to think this was some type of scam, I wasn’t going to be taken advantage of. I was thinking this was probably a lie. I didn’t want to be vulnerable; I was judging him for what he might be really doing with the money. However, I looked in his eyes and saw the eyes of my son. I remember the time my son was robbed and needed help from strangers. In that moment, I knew I had to help him. I knew how much it would mean to his mom to see her son that night. I went from being horrified of being taken advantage, to feeling blessed that I was able to help. This is what I was thinking as I saw him run to get the bus.
Sometimes, we prevent ourselves from being kind because we are too afraid to be vulnerable; too quick to judge the situation; and too busy finding ways to justify not doing the kind act. However, when we see the humanity in each other, kindness becomes easy. Kindness may be the key to opening your heart to others even more.
Kindness Discussion
Was there a time when you felt vulnerable but decided to be kind anyway? What was it that caused you to make that decision?
Kindness Action
What can you do today that will take you out of your everyday life patterns to create a new kindness pattern?
Additional Resource
Brene Brown’s TED Talk:, “The Power of Vulnerability” is thought-provoking.
Staying in Touch
Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com and please sign-up for weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com or follow us on Facebook.
First “Caring Heart Award” Honors Nurses
Welcome to week two of my kindness blog! This blog is dedicated to making the world a kinder place, one person at a time. One of the ways I am promoting kindness is by recognizing unsung heroes, those that live with kindness in their hearts everyday. Today, I am honoring nurses. They are often overlooked for the difficult job they do day in and day out. Nurses that care for their patients with their heart are truly a gift. There is no better way to start the Caring Heart award than honoring nurses and, in particular, my beautiful daughter, Becky.
Becky wanted to be a pediatric nurse from an early age. She has such a caring heart as exemplified by her role in a medical mission to Burkina Faso, Africa, one of the poorest countries in the world, even though she had to give up her vacations for a year.
Of course as Becky’s mom, I am proud of my daughter, so I asked one of her peers to give me examples of her kindness. This is what Roshini wrote:
“Becky is one the most caring nurses I know. I’ve seen her in action. As nurses, we make a commitment to care for others. We leave our families, sometimes during very hard times, in order to provide that care. Becky’s kindness towards others and her patients radiates at work. Her selfless actions are never overlooked. She ensures that the needs of all of her patients are met. Becky treats all of her patients as if they were her own family. Being in the location we work in, we unfortunately see a lot of kids who come in with a low socioeconomic status and have little to no family. Becky really makes it a point to ensure that her kids never lack the feeling of nurturing. Not only is Becky kind, caring, and committed to her patients, but she treats her work family and friends the same way. Becky is always willing to help others when they’re in need. Her experience, skills, and friendship are an asset to anyone whose life she enters. I’m proud to call her my friend and I hope to one day have the experience and skills she has shown me at the hospital and in life in general!
I believe nurses are unsung heros. So, the next time a nurse helps you heal, please tell them how much you appreciate them. Even, better, buy them a coffee, for if they are a hospital nurse they are most likely working a twelve hour shift.
Ways to stay in touch:
Barbara Hirsh can be reached at info@LiveKinder.com or on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/LiveKinder/ or sign-up for weekly kindness message at www.LiveKinder.com